You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
