Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
