I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
