So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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