He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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