For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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