I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
