idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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