I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
porn star boner night. come get it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
