butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
