Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
