I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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