I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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