I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
