I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
