I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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