Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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