wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
