so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
