yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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