She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
