I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
