I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
