I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Are we still banned from the library?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
