The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
