So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
