I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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