Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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