and you said cock pushups were impossible
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Semen is not good for contacts.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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