It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
