The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
