My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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