shes about as inviting as chlamydia
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
