does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just want nice things and good sex
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
