Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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