community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
