I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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