Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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