So drunk its hurt
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
