The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize