She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
