roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
