I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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