i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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