"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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