9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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