it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
