I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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