Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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