he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize