Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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