The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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