the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
