Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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