I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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