Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
