she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
