I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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