So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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