FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize