Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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