So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
