His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
