Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
